Hallelujah! My Shackles are Gone

"My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains

Unending love, Amazing grace"

Nothing could have prepared me for what happened on October 14, 2012. My life has changed. The worry, the doubt, the fear are demolished. The hope, the joy, and the renewing steadfast love of Christ have been born. 

I honestly can tell you I truly believed and gave my life to Jesus Christ at age 7. I re-committed my life to Christ at age 16 at summer camp and something very real changed my life. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit at age 21 on Highway I-20 between Colorado City TX and Big Spring TX. I publicly displayed the change of my life at age 22 by the baptism of water. BUT...All of those were preparing me. Salvation is and will always be the most important decision I ever did or will make in my life. But, what happened yesterday will set the course for not just me, but my family, my future husband, my children and their children and their children if that is God's design for my lineage. 

I want to tell you the story, the story that will one day be published, but for now it will remain forever to have started in my heart and written on this blog. Last Friday I published the blog, "My Story of Choices-Testimony of Redemption." This blog, unbeknownst to me, was the precursor to this blog. 

Sharing my testimony led me to freedom. So I will tell of my experience of freedom so that whatever God has next for me will be done. And maybe, just maybe, my story will help you find your story and even more so spread the deep deep freeing power of surrendering your all to Jesus Christ. 

"I entered the church with a heavy heart and tired flesh. Going out the night before and celebrating a friend moving to Dallas lasted until early hours of the morning. Still waking tired, I arose to go to go to church, the house of the Lord. I entered early enough to do a chapter of the book "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. Not realizing until later that night that this book had also been part of God's preparation for this day. We began worshiping and all of sudden tears started falling. Though I can be emotional, I really had no idea what this emotion was from. God then whispered so sweetly multiple times "It's time..." I asked "What Lord, is it time for" then the Holy Spirit answered me with a vision:

 I was crouching in ball with my arms wrapped around my legs and my head huddled into my thighs. God said "Look up my child..." I looked up and saw the shackles and chains. The shackles wrapped around my wrist and my ankles. The shackles around my ankles looked loose, but still buckled. God then said, "Stand my child, its time to be set free..." I looked up and said "I can't Lord, I can't.." He said "Stand, my child, just Stand..." I stood up and then raised my hands for what else do you do in the presence of the King. As I rose my hands the shackles broke and I literally felt and heard the freedom of my hands. The hands that had gripped onto so many things. The hands that have tried for years to block away the pain, to control the hurts and circumstances that were out of my hands, and the hands that have for years been trying to find love in all the wrong hands. Then the Lord said "The shackles around your ankles are weak, but only because you have broken them time and time again when you obey and follow me, but then you put them back on out of fear and comfort. It's time to take the final step into my will and leave the shackles behind...for good." I lifted both legs and felt the shutter and heard the steel breaking as I lifted each foot. The feet that have stood still when God urged me to walk ahead and the feet that had tried to pave their own road when God would speak to wait and watch."

The hands and feet that were shackled by fear, doubt, worry, comfort, control, lust, and bondage were broken by the power and wooing of Jesus Christ, the urging of the Holy Spirit, and the ultimate will of God Almighty. 

I then sat down for the sermon. As I sat down and listened I began asking God for revelation to help bring clarity to what exactly had just happened and what I was broke free from. 

God urged me to attend the evening service. As I prayed when we entered the prophetic worship night I asked the Lord to bring revelation about this vision. The night continued and during the worship I started to realize something about me was changing, but I still knew something was left to be said and done. 

The night was coming to a close when one of the Pastors stood up to give a last word. This word is paraphrased, but it went a little something like this:

"I feel the need to pray for a re-naming for many of you. Many of you have been held under family iniquities and God is calling you to be set free. He desires a new name for you, just as Jacob in Genesis 32, for a new name and legacy to be born. If you have been under any form of family iniquities for some time please stand as God is going to re-name you." 

I stood. 

As you can see, God answered my prayer. The prayer I had been desperately been trying to find courage to pray for for years. The prayer to be freed from the bondage of hurt, pain, and suffering. The prayer to be set free from the lies that my life would look similar to my past. The prayer to be set free from the fear of my future family/husband to be as the past men in my life. The prayer to be set free from the shackles of doubt and worry that crippled me to a position of defeat. Most importantly, the prayer to be set free to be loved and to love. 

I had a chance to speak with the same Pastor who gave the word that changed my life after the service. As I shared the confirmation of his word from God for my life, he then blessed me with even more. He prayed life over me, my new family and then gave me my new name from above. 

Overcomer.

"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; he sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind." Psalm 107:19-21

I can't begin to fully explain the change that occurred, the years of suffering  hurt, and wounds that were fully healed, sealed, and kissed from above yesterday. What I can explain is what has since been revealed as my second half of life. 

October 14, 2012 marked the beginning of my second chapter. The level of intimacy I grew with Christ in 24 hours is undeniable. So for the future, I will do my ultimate best to renounce every doubt, worry, and fear. I will live as an anointed daughter (beautiful daughter) of the King of Kings and remind myself that His will for my life is to prosper me and not to harm me. I will remember that though my enemies will advance, and pressure will always be pressing me from each side, I will be at peace for my King has already won. Though my flesh may suffer, my heart and soul will always be peace with grace, mercy, and His unfailing and pursuing love.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

I pray that as you read this, your heart was lifted, your soul renewed, and maybe your mind refreshed. I pray that you know that God has a plan for you. He desires freedom, joy, and hope to be your reality. It is possible. Believe me, for I know for...

My Shackles are Gone, and Freedom is now my reality. 

Be Blessed. Shalom.

My Story of Choices-Testimony of Redemption

Friends,

Choices.

We all have them. We all make them everyday. The choice to get out of bed. The choice to brush your teeth (which I hope you do). The choice to speak, the choice to be silent, the choice to grow up, the choice to act mature/immature. The choices we make affect the next choice and so on. An endless stream of choices. 

I choose today to tell you my story of choices. Choices made by others that affected me and choices I made that affected myself, and most importantly the choice made by Christ 2000 years ago that affected all of mankind. 

I was physically/emotionally abused as a child. I watched a father so full of life become addicted to prescription drugs for over 10 years. (NOTE: He now is seeking full recovery - To God Be All the Glory) I chose bulimia and anorexia for 7 years as a "medicine of control" for my past and current circumstances. I also chose to spend many years holding in bitterness which resulted in fleeting moments of immature decisions to find satisfaction. I will never be a little girl again and I will never be able to get those moments of brief stupidity back. 

I tell you all of this not for pity, but for your heart to be lifted by knowing that who I am now is a result of Christ and only HIS work in me and for you to know that you, my friend, in your deepest struggle are not alone.

Each one of you has a choice today. To continue to let the suffering steal your joy, or to walk in the light of the future. There is good out there. Do not be deceived by what the enemy will try to "steal, kill, and destroy" from your life or mind. (John 10:10)

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit."

Psalm 51: 10-12

I will not sit here and lie to you and tell you that I realized all of this instantly, it has taken me years. Years to realize that the debt others owed me has already been paid by the precious blood of Christ and they will never be able to repay me. Years to realize that although forgiven some things will not be forgotten. And that is okay. Years to realize that the first half of my life may have been paved by suffering and hardship, the second half of my life will be paved by the will of God Almighty and His promises being fulfilled as I walk in step with Him. 

So I come to you today as a friend, sister, and hopeful saint standing by your side. This blog is me reaching out my heart so that you may have the courage to reach up to Heaven and let God Almighty take your pain and turn it into healing, take your anger and turn it into forgiveness, and slowly but surely, take your past and turn it into a story of the redeeming power of Grace. 

To the ones who have suffered with body issues. You are beautiful. You were made in the image of Christ. Though you can't believe it right now, God loves you just as you are. I encourage you to seek help, seek a friend, and more than those, seek God Almighty so that just as I am doing, each day you can find your reflection in the way Christ sees you and not in the way Satan has lied to you to see yourself. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

I leave you all with this scripture and pray that as you chose to finish reading this blog, you will choose to go and tell your story. Not for pride's sake, but for Kingdoms sake. 

"And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— ⁴ was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. ⁵ I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.⁶ Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, ⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations.Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:3-10

We all have a beautiful story of redemption, grace, and unconditional love. I pray that as you have read mine you see that that God came to save a wretch like me, save a little girl, and give her all the desires of her heart. 

AND HE WANTS THE SAME FOR YOU. 

My story is yet to be complete, but until the good Lord calls me home, I pray I choose to seek Him and let His unconditional love continue to take my breath away. 

Goodbye-The Biggest Oxymoron

"Never say good-bye because good-bye means going away, and going away means forgetting."

 – Peter Pan

Peter Pan and me are soul mates  He summarized my fear of goodbyes in one sentence. I don't like forgetting and more than that...I don't like being forgotten  Goodbyes for me are like peeling back sidewalk. It just doesn't happen without something, most of the time my emotional stability, cracking into pieces. 

Vivid and deep I know, but the point is I have never been good at goodbyes. I have never understood why the word "good" is right next to "bye." One of the biggest oxymoron's in the English dictionary if I were being honest. Which I am.

Today is my last day at The Apparel Group. I thought this day would be easy.

I thought wrong.

I find myself thinking back to all the things I have done while working here. I traveled to New York. I traveled to Washington D.C. I visited my first country outside of the U.S., Israel. I graduated college. I experienced my firsts (and hopefully last) hurricane and earthquake. And most importantly...

I lived in New York City. 

There it is. I lived in the Big Apple. The place I had dreamed about since I was in 7th grade. The place I used to brag to my teammates about and tell them all about how I would live there while dribbling in basketball practice in Coahoma TX. The middle of no-where West Texas. This girl lived in the most popular city in the world. It's a miracle. 

It was my dream and it became my reality. 

I can't explain to you the MASSIVE moments of failure that I went through in the last 17 months; BUT I also can't explain the growth that happened through those moments of failure. I grew. I was challenged. I was hurt, and I overcame. 

So today, as I sit here in this chair for the last time I am overwhelmed, but not overcome. I see the light shining. I feel the peace wash over me. I know what I am doing is God's will. I know what I have done was His will. I say goodbye, but this goodbye I have to say is one of the few that actually can make this word not so much an oxymoron. 

It has been good and it is time to say bye. 

I say goodbye to the workplace that has become like home and the people that have become like family.

 I let go of the memories that haunted me and I hold onto the experiences that have shaped me. 

I look forward to the milestones of joy and pray for the strength to withstand the goodbyes ahead. 

Not all will be "good" goodbyes...so I walk away with my head held high and thank God for this one and let go and say...

Goodbye The Apparel Group. 

and

Hello Splash Media. 

"This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. It is, instead, the end of the beginning"

– Winston Churchill