May I Live a Life...

May I Live a Life...

1. Worth handing over
2. Worth telling over and over again
3. Worth standing in front of the King of Kings
4. Worth giving away
5. Worth living again
6. Worth never wanting to let go
7. Worth leaving with a smile and a tear in the same moment
8. Worth never looking back and saying "what if"
9. Worth showing in pictures
10. Worth letting go

May I live a life where...

"He became greater, and I became less..." 

(John 3:30 -past tense-)

The Love that Gives Hope - Dedicated to the future Mr. and Mrs. Casey Schutza

 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part,  but when completeness comes,what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.  For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. 

 But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:8-13

I couldn't let something this beautiful, touching, and inspiring go without a blog post. 

Genna Hinds is a beautiful and wonderful friend of mine whose friendship has inspired me in times of joy and encouraged me in times of hardship. Looking back on it now, I met Casey first while we lived in Victory together at my first year at UNT. 

Casey and I realized we both had something in common - Jesus - and we became friends. One day Casey had been texting me about this "Genna" and asking for advice but my only knowledge about her was that he was crazy about her. Coincidentally, that same week I was holding a "Finding Your Crown" bible study at my apartment and in comes this new girl. We start the bible study and Genna informs me that she is "Casey's Genna..." 

We have been friends ever since and I can honestly say that I know why Casey was so crazy about her. She is a God-fearing, loving, caring, and honest woman of God who is anointed by Jesus Himself to carry out love in its truest form - kindness. 

I write this blog for them, but also for every other single man or woman, engaged or married couple. We all need to be reminded that love is everlasting, love is beautiful, and love just is...

I have attached the video that Casey made for Genna as an introduction for proposal...well done Casey. ;) My friends, I encourage you all to not only watch this video, but to walk away encouraged and uplifted. As I watched it this morning (again) God gave me 2 very important reminders:

1. Love Is...

I will never understand what Jesus did for me. I will never understand why Jesus died for me. I will never fully understand why He still loves me despite my sin, but He does. He loves us more than we can ever possibly imagine. He loves us in the midst of our sin and He loves us in the midst of our highest success.   

  

What a beautiful picture of love in this video. The love Casey feels from our Savior and that same love overflowing into his love for Genna. It's a beautiful picture Christ and the church - as it should be. 

2.  Don't Give Up...

I wouldn't be writing honestly if I didn't say what every other girl was thinking in this video. "Is there anyone left like Casey..." (Bonus affirmation for you Casey...) 

All the single ladies...God specifically wants us to hear this:

"My daughters, you are loved far more than you could ever possibly imagine. I have your story written. I have the moments of your life planned. I always work things together for the good of those that love me. So love me my daughters, fall in love with me everyday. I have great and wonderful things in store for you. Picture an ocean. Do you see the waves crashing, do you see the tide rising, do you see the sun coming up behind? Picture those waves continuing to wash away all the past hurts, wounds, and barriers that you have put against me. I am refreshing you. I am renewing you. I am rebuilding you. Know that I am here and my dear daughters, you have a man that loves you enough to die for you, and He still is loving you today...hold onto His love. Don't give up on me, because I never will give up on you..." 

So my single lady friends, we are all in this together. Believe that Love is...possible, here, coming, everlasting, unfailing, hopeful, inspiring, and encouraging - and Don't give up on that.

To Casey and Genna, I thank you for your love for the Lord, your love for each other, and your love for all those you encounter. I pray amazing and empowering supernatural blessings over you both as you start this new beginning. May you continue to fall in love with each other everyday and may you always know that with God and the love you have for each other...anything is possible. 

   

Confession: I Am Not Perfect and I Never Will Be

(This blog is supposed to reflect who I am, what I believe, and most importantly, a channel for me to look back and see my own growth.So as you continue, please remember, everything I say is to encourage you and bring glory to God.)

I have messed up and to put it bluntly - I am messy. This blog is not being written because I am trying to justify myself or even to ask for forgiveness- I have already been forgiven. This blog is being written, because no matter how much I fall, God always will be the one that rises with Glory. I want it always to be recorded that not on my own accord, but that through each and every lesson, God always gets the glory. And, He has called me to write and speak and not be silent. So many are silent and then so many feel alone - I won't be silent so that you don't have to feel alone.

Lesson: My eyes have been opened to the reality that I am not the person everyone thinks I am and I will never be perfect.

My heart is to see the love of Christ explode from my life onto others. My life goals are all centered around the divine will and destiny of God Almighty. BUT I have not always acted in a way that followed those desires. This past month has been full of mistake after mistake, but in that I have learned what grace, love, and true forgiveness are made of. I do regret my mistakes, but I do not regret the lessons learned. Paul understood....

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." Romans 7:15

We never know why we make the sin we make when we do it, well we do, but we don't want to admit it...Until the pain after comes. Do you agree? You don't regret touching the stove while hot, until the searing burning pain comes? You don't regret speeding, until the cop rights the ticket? Our generation has gotten used to waiting for consenquences, instead of preparing so that we may be ready when/if the temptation comes.

These next two points are based on what the Lord has shown me. I am not pointing anyone out. I am very blessed and thankful for my friends and family - but this is what the Lord has shown me and hopefully you will relate and maybe even take comfort in knowing you are not alone.

1. I Will Never Be the Woman Everyone Wants
Wow. What a powerful statement, not only for me, but for all women. We will never be able to measure up to all the things we are supposed to conquer.

But we can sure try. 

I in no way am saying all of this as an excuse of sin, but I am saying it so that you can use it while in battle. The enemy wants you to believe that you are supposed to love this way, hope this way, teach this way, dress this way, speak this way, serve this way, and so on...He wants you to believe the opposite of what God wants you to be because honestly, its quicker satisfaction on our end. One of the pastors at my church said yesterday, "We are into microwaving and God is into marinating..." That is perfect. We want the quick fix diet, the quick fix love, the quick fix career boost...God doesn't work by "quick fixes" and He doesn't "microwave" our lives. Why you may ask? Because He loves us too much to do either of those. 

Be you. Listen to God and trust that the women He is making, sanctifying, changing, and building will be enough. And trust that all those things will happen in His time. You are enough. My friends, I ask that you would trust me in this that I have not yet mastered this, but I am trying. 

Whether its in society, family, or friends we all have expectations for others, but there is a difference in expectations and walls. Expectations are just the generic trust and love that come with entering into any kind of relationship - friendship or romantic. Walls are you putting barriers around who and what a person should ever be or do - walls put them in a box. A Box that they will never fill because frankly everyone's box looks different - so you have your family putting you in a box, your friends, society and etc. 

At the end of the day this will not be their fault - but is yours (ours). You(we) chose to stay in that box either because of pride or fear. This box will determine the decisions you(we) make, and if you(we) stay in that box, your(our) entire life will be determined by the destiny others wanted for you (us) and not the perfect destiny God has for you (us).

2. I Will Never Make The Decisions Everyone Wants
Over the years there are many people that have told me a numerous amount  of things of what they "know" I will be and what type of man they "know" I will marry. 

I say all of this to hurt nobody, because frankly they were all doing it out of good intentions. 
But just because they were good intentions, does not mean they were God's intentions.

This has become a problem, not solely because of the notions or "boxes" people have put around me, but more so that I have in those moments made expectations concerning my own "personal success ceiling," if you will, and expectations in men.

My eyes have been opened and my heart has been put in check. My only comparison with anything in my life, decision wise, is the Word of God and not the words of man. 

I tell each and everyone who will listen to all of this to hopefully encourage those who are going through this season with me and to help prepare or maybe even open the eyes of those who haven't seen this season yet. I am not saying all struggle through this, but I am saying it has grown rampant - especially with my generation.

So I will finish where I started, my heart is to see the love of Christ explode from my life onto others. My life goals are all centered around the divine will and destiny of God Almighty....and now my life will hopefully transparently and honestly reflect these true Godly desires. 

"Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need." Matthew 6:33

So the confession is I am not perfect and I never be..BUT I serve a Perfect, Just, Loving, Faithful, Good, Honest, Hopeful, Compassionate, Kind, and Provisional God who continues to lavish His perfect love on me. I can't say that I have broken down all the walls of the boxes that have been placed around me or I have made every decision in my life based on God's intention and not my own or others agenda - but I can say that I now am aware of these and knowledge is power. My heart will be to seek first His Kingdom and let God's perfect love be the only type of perfection I seek.

"There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear..." 1 John 4:18

Thankful

Hello Friends,

If you didn't know, next week is Thanksgiving. Yes, that means you get to....EAT! 

I love this time of year, people start thinking and reflecting on their lives and the life they led in 2012 starts to flash before all of our eyes. 

I know one day I will look back on this time in my life and be thankful for the strengthening, the severing, the teaching, and the transforming. Day after day in the past month I have thought about the light at the end of the tunnel. We all go through seasons where the hardship outweighs the...well, more hardship. That season is upon me but I can finally say I see the light flickering ahead of me. 

I want you all to be encouraged that though hardship may come and some days may seem longer than others, that God IS with you and me.

I will be the first to tell you that I have questioned, yelled, and even stomped my foot at our precious Savior wondering when it would all make sense or get easier.

But today, no stomping, no yelling, just thanking. 

I'm thankful for:

1. God's forgiveness, love, and grace

2. My family - though we all have flaws, they are still God's divine gift to me. 

3. Best Friends - I have no idea where I would be without them.

4. Anointing- Though I don't know my final destination, I hold onto the promises told to me. 

5. Job- I love my job. Though it is crazy and changing - I am blessed.

6. My Car- I take this for granted a lot, but this last month I realized what a blessing it is to have one. 

7. My Church- Having a body of believers surrounding you is something that encourage and uplifts the soul more than you/we ever could on our own. 

8. Prayer- It's my love language to my Savior.

9. You- Thank you for reading my heart and following me on this journey called life. 

The months ahead may be rough but if I look to God and thank Him for what He has already done and know my heart will be filled with the faith needed to carry on...

"And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him." Colossians 3:17

Happy Thanksgiving! 

Hallelujah! My Shackles are Gone

"My chains are gone

I've been set free

My God, my Savior has ransomed me

And like a flood His mercy rains

Unending love, Amazing grace"

Nothing could have prepared me for what happened on October 14, 2012. My life has changed. The worry, the doubt, the fear are demolished. The hope, the joy, and the renewing steadfast love of Christ have been born. 

I honestly can tell you I truly believed and gave my life to Jesus Christ at age 7. I re-committed my life to Christ at age 16 at summer camp and something very real changed my life. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit at age 21 on Highway I-20 between Colorado City TX and Big Spring TX. I publicly displayed the change of my life at age 22 by the baptism of water. BUT...All of those were preparing me. Salvation is and will always be the most important decision I ever did or will make in my life. But, what happened yesterday will set the course for not just me, but my family, my future husband, my children and their children and their children if that is God's design for my lineage. 

I want to tell you the story, the story that will one day be published, but for now it will remain forever to have started in my heart and written on this blog. Last Friday I published the blog, "My Story of Choices-Testimony of Redemption." This blog, unbeknownst to me, was the precursor to this blog. 

Sharing my testimony led me to freedom. So I will tell of my experience of freedom so that whatever God has next for me will be done. And maybe, just maybe, my story will help you find your story and even more so spread the deep deep freeing power of surrendering your all to Jesus Christ. 

"I entered the church with a heavy heart and tired flesh. Going out the night before and celebrating a friend moving to Dallas lasted until early hours of the morning. Still waking tired, I arose to go to go to church, the house of the Lord. I entered early enough to do a chapter of the book "Breaking Free" by Beth Moore. Not realizing until later that night that this book had also been part of God's preparation for this day. We began worshiping and all of sudden tears started falling. Though I can be emotional, I really had no idea what this emotion was from. God then whispered so sweetly multiple times "It's time..." I asked "What Lord, is it time for" then the Holy Spirit answered me with a vision:

 I was crouching in ball with my arms wrapped around my legs and my head huddled into my thighs. God said "Look up my child..." I looked up and saw the shackles and chains. The shackles wrapped around my wrist and my ankles. The shackles around my ankles looked loose, but still buckled. God then said, "Stand my child, its time to be set free..." I looked up and said "I can't Lord, I can't.." He said "Stand, my child, just Stand..." I stood up and then raised my hands for what else do you do in the presence of the King. As I rose my hands the shackles broke and I literally felt and heard the freedom of my hands. The hands that had gripped onto so many things. The hands that have tried for years to block away the pain, to control the hurts and circumstances that were out of my hands, and the hands that have for years been trying to find love in all the wrong hands. Then the Lord said "The shackles around your ankles are weak, but only because you have broken them time and time again when you obey and follow me, but then you put them back on out of fear and comfort. It's time to take the final step into my will and leave the shackles behind...for good." I lifted both legs and felt the shutter and heard the steel breaking as I lifted each foot. The feet that have stood still when God urged me to walk ahead and the feet that had tried to pave their own road when God would speak to wait and watch."

The hands and feet that were shackled by fear, doubt, worry, comfort, control, lust, and bondage were broken by the power and wooing of Jesus Christ, the urging of the Holy Spirit, and the ultimate will of God Almighty. 

I then sat down for the sermon. As I sat down and listened I began asking God for revelation to help bring clarity to what exactly had just happened and what I was broke free from. 

God urged me to attend the evening service. As I prayed when we entered the prophetic worship night I asked the Lord to bring revelation about this vision. The night continued and during the worship I started to realize something about me was changing, but I still knew something was left to be said and done. 

The night was coming to a close when one of the Pastors stood up to give a last word. This word is paraphrased, but it went a little something like this:

"I feel the need to pray for a re-naming for many of you. Many of you have been held under family iniquities and God is calling you to be set free. He desires a new name for you, just as Jacob in Genesis 32, for a new name and legacy to be born. If you have been under any form of family iniquities for some time please stand as God is going to re-name you." 

I stood. 

As you can see, God answered my prayer. The prayer I had been desperately been trying to find courage to pray for for years. The prayer to be freed from the bondage of hurt, pain, and suffering. The prayer to be set free from the lies that my life would look similar to my past. The prayer to be set free from the fear of my future family/husband to be as the past men in my life. The prayer to be set free from the shackles of doubt and worry that crippled me to a position of defeat. Most importantly, the prayer to be set free to be loved and to love. 

I had a chance to speak with the same Pastor who gave the word that changed my life after the service. As I shared the confirmation of his word from God for my life, he then blessed me with even more. He prayed life over me, my new family and then gave me my new name from above. 

Overcomer.

"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress; he sent out his word and healed them, and delivered them from destruction. Let them thank the Lord for his steadfast love, for his wonderful works to humankind." Psalm 107:19-21

I can't begin to fully explain the change that occurred, the years of suffering  hurt, and wounds that were fully healed, sealed, and kissed from above yesterday. What I can explain is what has since been revealed as my second half of life. 

October 14, 2012 marked the beginning of my second chapter. The level of intimacy I grew with Christ in 24 hours is undeniable. So for the future, I will do my ultimate best to renounce every doubt, worry, and fear. I will live as an anointed daughter (beautiful daughter) of the King of Kings and remind myself that His will for my life is to prosper me and not to harm me. I will remember that though my enemies will advance, and pressure will always be pressing me from each side, I will be at peace for my King has already won. Though my flesh may suffer, my heart and soul will always be peace with grace, mercy, and His unfailing and pursuing love.

"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Romans 8:18

I pray that as you read this, your heart was lifted, your soul renewed, and maybe your mind refreshed. I pray that you know that God has a plan for you. He desires freedom, joy, and hope to be your reality. It is possible. Believe me, for I know for...

My Shackles are Gone, and Freedom is now my reality. 

Be Blessed. Shalom.

My Story of Choices-Testimony of Redemption

Friends,

Choices.

We all have them. We all make them everyday. The choice to get out of bed. The choice to brush your teeth (which I hope you do). The choice to speak, the choice to be silent, the choice to grow up, the choice to act mature/immature. The choices we make affect the next choice and so on. An endless stream of choices. 

I choose today to tell you my story of choices. Choices made by others that affected me and choices I made that affected myself, and most importantly the choice made by Christ 2000 years ago that affected all of mankind. 

I was physically/emotionally abused as a child. I watched a father so full of life become addicted to prescription drugs for over 10 years. (NOTE: He now is seeking full recovery - To God Be All the Glory) I chose bulimia and anorexia for 7 years as a "medicine of control" for my past and current circumstances. I also chose to spend many years holding in bitterness which resulted in fleeting moments of immature decisions to find satisfaction. I will never be a little girl again and I will never be able to get those moments of brief stupidity back. 

I tell you all of this not for pity, but for your heart to be lifted by knowing that who I am now is a result of Christ and only HIS work in me and for you to know that you, my friend, in your deepest struggle are not alone.

Each one of you has a choice today. To continue to let the suffering steal your joy, or to walk in the light of the future. There is good out there. Do not be deceived by what the enemy will try to "steal, kill, and destroy" from your life or mind. (John 10:10)

"Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right, persevering, and steadfast spirit within me. Cast me not away from Your presence and take not Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation and uphold me with a willing spirit."

Psalm 51: 10-12

I will not sit here and lie to you and tell you that I realized all of this instantly, it has taken me years. Years to realize that the debt others owed me has already been paid by the precious blood of Christ and they will never be able to repay me. Years to realize that although forgiven some things will not be forgotten. And that is okay. Years to realize that the first half of my life may have been paved by suffering and hardship, the second half of my life will be paved by the will of God Almighty and His promises being fulfilled as I walk in step with Him. 

So I come to you today as a friend, sister, and hopeful saint standing by your side. This blog is me reaching out my heart so that you may have the courage to reach up to Heaven and let God Almighty take your pain and turn it into healing, take your anger and turn it into forgiveness, and slowly but surely, take your past and turn it into a story of the redeeming power of Grace. 

To the ones who have suffered with body issues. You are beautiful. You were made in the image of Christ. Though you can't believe it right now, God loves you just as you are. I encourage you to seek help, seek a friend, and more than those, seek God Almighty so that just as I am doing, each day you can find your reflection in the way Christ sees you and not in the way Satan has lied to you to see yourself. 

"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well." Psalm 139:14

I leave you all with this scripture and pray that as you chose to finish reading this blog, you will choose to go and tell your story. Not for pride's sake, but for Kingdoms sake. 

"And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— ⁴ was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. ⁵ I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses.⁶ Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, ⁷ or because of these surpassingly great revelations.Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸ Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹ But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships,in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 2 Corinthians 12:3-10

We all have a beautiful story of redemption, grace, and unconditional love. I pray that as you have read mine you see that that God came to save a wretch like me, save a little girl, and give her all the desires of her heart. 

AND HE WANTS THE SAME FOR YOU. 

My story is yet to be complete, but until the good Lord calls me home, I pray I choose to seek Him and let His unconditional love continue to take my breath away. 

Goodbye-The Biggest Oxymoron

"Never say good-bye because good-bye means going away, and going away means forgetting."

 – Peter Pan

Peter Pan and me are soul mates  He summarized my fear of goodbyes in one sentence. I don't like forgetting and more than that...I don't like being forgotten  Goodbyes for me are like peeling back sidewalk. It just doesn't happen without something, most of the time my emotional stability, cracking into pieces. 

Vivid and deep I know, but the point is I have never been good at goodbyes. I have never understood why the word "good" is right next to "bye." One of the biggest oxymoron's in the English dictionary if I were being honest. Which I am.

Today is my last day at The Apparel Group. I thought this day would be easy.

I thought wrong.

I find myself thinking back to all the things I have done while working here. I traveled to New York. I traveled to Washington D.C. I visited my first country outside of the U.S., Israel. I graduated college. I experienced my firsts (and hopefully last) hurricane and earthquake. And most importantly...

I lived in New York City. 

There it is. I lived in the Big Apple. The place I had dreamed about since I was in 7th grade. The place I used to brag to my teammates about and tell them all about how I would live there while dribbling in basketball practice in Coahoma TX. The middle of no-where West Texas. This girl lived in the most popular city in the world. It's a miracle. 

It was my dream and it became my reality. 

I can't explain to you the MASSIVE moments of failure that I went through in the last 17 months; BUT I also can't explain the growth that happened through those moments of failure. I grew. I was challenged. I was hurt, and I overcame. 

So today, as I sit here in this chair for the last time I am overwhelmed, but not overcome. I see the light shining. I feel the peace wash over me. I know what I am doing is God's will. I know what I have done was His will. I say goodbye, but this goodbye I have to say is one of the few that actually can make this word not so much an oxymoron. 

It has been good and it is time to say bye. 

I say goodbye to the workplace that has become like home and the people that have become like family.

 I let go of the memories that haunted me and I hold onto the experiences that have shaped me. 

I look forward to the milestones of joy and pray for the strength to withstand the goodbyes ahead. 

Not all will be "good" goodbyes...so I walk away with my head held high and thank God for this one and let go and say...

Goodbye The Apparel Group. 

and

Hello Splash Media. 

"This is not the end. This is not even the beginning of the end. It is, instead, the end of the beginning"

– Winston Churchill